Careless heart

I don't like this feeling of being weak. Sometimes I feel like I'm crazy for wanting something so unattainable. Crazy. And childish. Sometimes, I'm disgusted with myself.

But I never cease to question myself, "why you?"

No one can answer that. You just popped into my mind one day and decide to stay in my heart.I wish I can purge you out. The heart never learns as it plays by its own rules. I wish it wasn't so. No one can know, because it'd be embarrassing. And because I can't have you, I resolve to keep on moving, to keep on running. Maybe I'll busy myself so that there is no chance to think about you. Bury myself in search of earthly transient fulfillment in my budding hobbies or anywhere that I'm sure you are not there.

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Because I just can't accept that I let the heart to be so loose that it could be broken by just anyone. This is absolutely unacceptable.

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So what now?

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Nothing.

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Maybe because the things in your heart, while its still in your heart, it is still valuable and safe. But once you let it out, then things are not yours to control anymore. Remember this quote,

"Love is like a game of cards, if they know what cards you're playing then they control how the game would end"

Brent Kutzle why cant you be mine? SObs