Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Help from above

I just sent the kids to their babysitter, and currently having post emo-traumatic episode.. 

My elder son is having a hard time adapting to his new babysitter. Maryam on the other hand is doing fine. Everyday when i'm driving with the kids and reaching the babysitter's house ammar will cry and say "taknak taknak" and that instantly made my heart ache so i stopped my car by the road and calmed him down. I told him he has to take care of his baby sister and dont leave her alone at babysitter's house, to play with his friends, play with the toys, watch tv, mama would pick them up at 5pm, mama need to go to work, and bla di blaa. But he insists on saying "taknak taknak"

And it gets worse when we arrived. He doesnt want to get out of the car! One hand of me is holding their bag, and another hand cradles the baby. And thats it, i have only two hands. I cant possibly leave ammar in the car alone send maryam first , although i did have that kind of thought 😅 

But then truly, fainna ma'al usri yusra. with hardship comes ease. Theres this auntie cleaner. She saw me struggling and she offered help. She picked ammar up from his carseat and brought him in the lift together with me and maryam. Until i managed to arrive at the babysitter's house. And she continued to do this daily whenever theres a chance. I couldnt thank her enough. Alhamdulillah, glory be to Allah, thank you Allah for sending me your help in a form of another human being with kind heart.. alhamdulillah alhamdulillah.. may Allah ease her daily errands.. aamiin

Ring a bell, from a hadith; "Wallahu fi aunil abdi ma kaanal abdu fi auni akhihi.."

Allah akan membantu seorang hamba sebagaimana ia membantu saudaranya..

Semoga sentiasa diberkati Allah, makcik...

Sunday, October 23, 2016

320am

It's 3.20am in the morning. Woken up and cant get back to sleep. All these thoughts running in my head like crazzzy and i ended up feeling guilty to my kids, and finding myself kissing hugging them and saying "im sorry" to them while they are heavily sleeping. 

Im sorry that i am not the best mama to both of you, i am sorry im full of flaws and imperfections.. sometimes when mama is stressed out one of you tend to get ignored ..especially the times when you need my attention.. im sorry i feel like i cant give you 120% ful of my capacity.. mama love both of you so much and know this, mama will always be by your side no matter what.. through thick and thin.. 

Monday, October 17, 2016

Priorities

 
I've always dreaded the fact that i havent had time for myself or do the things that i enjoy doing. Until at one point of time, the things that used to be my favourite or enjoyed doing have become nothing to me. I lost passion for it. I dont enjoy it just as much as i used to. I dont know why. Maybe its because of the aging process hahaha. 

I know one thing for sure, i have started to prioritise. The important ones have always been of my kids and family then work comes second and so everything else. 

But then, i dont know what went wrong. I kinda lost my own self along the way. I dont recognise my own self anymore. I have become someone else entirely and the people that havent seen me for quite a long time even commented that i have changed... 

So does it mean that i have prioritised things wrongly, or what? 

Maybe you should take care of yourself more, mardhiyah. Thats what. 

Do what you have to do, then you can do what you want to do. InsyaAllah.