Saturday, September 17, 2011

Pre-working life

Hello blog! It's been awhile. I have found another escapade, tumblr. Everything there seems to be effortless because no typing, no squeezing out words, your thoughts or feelings or solutions and advices are laid out and all you have to do there is scroll scroll scroll, click and click. That's that. Tumblr makes you feel like you're not alone in this world, that there are also other people feeling the exact same way as you do. Inspirational.

Anyhoowwwwww, Im still here. Ive got nowhere to go, not yet anyway. Still, and still patiently waiting for the last letter from KKM, revealing where my next location would be. I dont know how to react by then. But I'm well prepared. Mentally.

Speaking of that, yeah sometimes i do feel a little bit impatient. The thoughts that keep bugging me "I cant wait to work" "Cant wait to earn my own money" "Cant wait to buy stuff I want that I cant afford right now"  Seeing other people with their newly bought, shiny glittery gadgets. And the awesome stuffs they can do with it. I even went to lowyatt recently. It was torture im telling you. A TORTURE.

Im outdated, yeah. But I keep telling myself. It's okay. BE patient. Tak kemana benda tu. You'll have your shining moments sooner or later..It'll become yours someday. *OKAY STOP WITH THE DUNIAWI STUFF*

I think this holiday has taught me a lot about patience. If I were to talk about it, it wud take another post entry. But lemme just keep it simple. And straight to the point.

Somehow this delay (expectedly after raya, middle of September, but postponed to early or middle October) in posting/working is a way of Allah showing that He still cares. I kinda get it what He's trying to show....what He's trying to tell me. Almost as if He's trying to say :

"Working life is nowhere near to what you're thinking" 

They money you'll be getting, that you earn while you're working, comes along with responsibility. WOW. RESPONSIBILITY> such a big word. and I'm still scared of that word. Responsibilities are those that Allah will question later, how well have you managed it..

Responsibility as a pharmacist. You'll carry the image of UiTM, from which you graduated and out there, would be a lot of other graduates, from universities, from other races. People judge, and will continue to do so. I dont wanna be the one who caused people to have thoughts like "Camni laaa budak melayu" "Hapah pun taktau" "Graduan UiTM mmg cmni" OH NOO.. I'm sorry, but I dont wanna be the reason behind it. InsyaAllah. God, please help me make a good impression.

So what's remain of this holiday, Ive planned to flip through pages of Dipiro, old notes, recall back the basics. at least the basics. I dont wanna look stupid. It's true, PRP is still a learning phase, but, why wait for PRP when u can learn now. Its true jugak what I found out from seniors, that what youve learnt kat kelas dulu takkan sama nnt masa PRP belajar completely different things. More practical stuff. But at least, the clinical part, TDM, TPN, CDR. Maybe it would be worth the recap? I dont know, just my 2cents. Poyo? Call me all you want. WHATEVER. I really dont give a shat.

ANd, Just how much I said I cant wait for work,, I know deep inside me, I'm still not ready. not yet. Probably this is the reason why the delay. For my part, I still want to contribute to myfamily, fullfilling my responsibility as a daughter, be good to my parents, trying to help them out around the house as much as possible, lessening their burdens, not a burden dok perabeh boreh kek umah jo. Responsibility as an eldest sister, hve i been a good sister, teaching my adik adik what they need to know, spending time with them when they need me. Responsibilty as a friend. have i spent much time with them, be there when they need  me?  Who knows what'll happen when the burden of working life starts to grab you by the neck right.. Who knows.. So while Im at it.. Im not going to complain "kenapa lambat plak nak keje ni.."

And while im at it... asking you relatives, pakcik makcik, please stop with the question "Bile nak keje" cuz im tired of answering "bulan 10 nnt"


Anonymous said...

rs mcm in the middle u really want to work n earn money n help ur parents but at the same time scared of the responsibility..insha allah everythg happens for a reason posting lmbt pn msti ad hikmahnya :)

Mardhiyah said...

yapp betul tu syu.. mcm terhimpit gitu..hehehe....