Sunday, April 3, 2011

torment of want

Haven't you come across a time when you wish that you can have control over what your heart wants? It frustrates me when the heart goes by itself, wanting many things that it wasn't supposed to want in the first place. And of course the head goes haywire; trying all sorts of sound reasoning to convince the heart to budge, shouting through the deafening silence in the mind "Hey, you're not supposed to want that! It is wrong/somebody else's/impossible."
But the heart never listens.
So the cycle goes on: the heart never stops wanting and the mind never stops analyzing.
And the body continues to endure. Taking blow by blow, until it numbs. Indifferent to the opposite tugging of the heart and the pull of the mind.
As I always say: we should never ask for things that people cannot give. So what I resort to is to ask from a higher source; one that could provide me with everything that I can possibly ask for.
Often words are inadequate, but that doesn't matter. He is after all, the All Knowing. Resolution for both the heart and mind will be revealed in time, either now or whenever it is right to finally have it. Or to have something else in its place. I don't know. It is weird how faith works.
But for now it is enough to know that we could draw strength from this helplessness by surrendering everything and taking each step of the way with care, whispering silent prayers within our hearts and minds. Believing wholeheartedly that the answers are somewhere up ahead. Somehow, we will arrive there eventually.

La Haula Wala Quwwata Illa Billahil 'Aliyyil 'Azim

p/s: I realised my posts lately are more drawn towards the desire of the heart and everlasting hope, maybe because I'm thinking too much about the future *sigh

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